We get by with a little help from our friends
2022 was an incredibly tough year for me. I ended a long-term relationship—badly. Prices skyrocketed, causing the sanctuary’s bills to increase by 40% while donations plummeted. We were constantly short-staffed due to the labor shortage. Several beloved animals I had had for many years passed away due to old age. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, and I became responsible for her care in India, while the sanctuary in the US still desperately needed me. And I lost my best friend of 40 years.
In May, we rescued a day-old lamb with mobility challenges. I usually keep orphaned infants in the house with me to provide round-the-clock care. I fell hard for little Rama. We did physical therapy every day. Soon, he was able to get around in a wheelchair with just a little help from me. He was such a bright, sweet baby. I always fall in love with the animals we rescue, and of course even more so when they are babies. But something about Rama drew me in even more deeply. I was absolutely head over heels for him. He seemed to be improving, but one Sunday he declined rapidly. We rushed him to the hospital, but it was too late. And then in October, we rescued two infant piglets, but they were too sick to survive. Losing elderly animals is hard, because they are beloved family members and I miss each one terribly. But losing babies is just a whole different level of grief.
Talking to my friend about all this, she asked, “What are you going to do? This is all just too much.”
“I don’t know,” I replied. “Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down. I guess I’ll just have to wobble.”
She then shared that she had used a self-care itinerary during a particularly dark time in her own life and offered to create one for me.
If you have someone you trust, it may be helpful to create your self-care itinerary with them and agree to hold each other lovingly accountable for following your plans. Even though each activity should be something you love and that nourishes you, at first, you may find yourself reluctant. I made all kinds of excuses, usually about being too busy. But I knew that inertia would only prevent me from healing.
What I wanted to do was lay on the sofa, drinking gallons of wine, stuffing myself with potato chips and chocolate, and numbing further by watching terrible movies. But surprisingly, that never felt good for more than an hour or two. Often, when I binged like that, I felt angry. I was punishing myself.
When my friend sent the draft to me, I felt so much love and strength from her. It required me to take three intentional actions each day to care for myself emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Each time I referred back to it and completed one of the actions, I felt enormous love from her and began to feel enormous love for myself.
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